Still Dickin'

Corsa VI

The Damien Bloackade

Rackus was summoned by his good friend Bradrus to the distant Corsa System in order to chase the Starburn family heirloom. Jonah Starburn promised a great reward for their assistance.

Bradrus was tripping balls or some shit because he was seeing visions in the cargo hold of Jonah’s freighter, the Girl Friday. He woke up dazed and confused because why would he have been drunk when we all know Bradrus doesn’t drink?

Anyway, Rackus is a better spaceman than Bradrus and Jonah combined so he made it to their destination first, but WHAT THE SHIT? Lazors are blasting as far as the eye can see! Rackus gets confronted by two fighters, but he totally backs off because his morality is caution and being a pussy.

Once Bradrus arrives he’s still confused AF so he asks Jonah what the deal is. She kinda gives some shitty abbreviated version of what might be going on. Something about the Damiens blockading her family’s home planet and it looks like the family flagship, the Burning Star, is trying to break the blockade.

Anyway, her old family man-slave Rillington calls her and says her brother, Herin Starburn, is going apeshit. He wants the guys to come talk some sense into him before he does some really bogus shit.

Rackus peels out and does some donuts on his way to the hangar bay, smoking while doing so. Jonah just rolls her eyes and asks Bradrus to man the guns for some reason (Lulz!). But Bradrus wasn’t having any of that shit and totally blasted some bogies out of existence with one hand while grabbing his hard-ass dick with the other.

In the hangar, Herin confidently struts his dudes into an assault boat while Bradrus is all like, “Hey, let’s negotiate in the middle of a battle.” Nice rolls, jackass. So Herin is all like, “Sure, you can find a peaceful solution to this after I’m done kicking some Damiens in the pee-hole.”

Master-Class Space-Mans Pra’tari Rackus pulls back on the sticks and does a kick-ass backflip outta there while flipping off Herin as hard as he can. Jonah tries to catch up while Bradrus does some ballin’ parkour shit to climb up the boarding ramp mid-flight.

So they’re blasting ass through space while Herin’s assault boat putt-putts its way across the battlefield. Once they penetrate the Ass-tral Song, they decide to split up for some reason, because that’s never a bad idea. Bradrus talks some low-level janitors into opening a door for him (bravo), and Rackus twiddles his thumbs in the hangar for a while.

Some more boring-ass negotiating goes on and long story short, everyone arrives at the bridge… Bradrus, Jonah, Rackus, Herin and Aurek motherfucking Damien. Brad stands there with his hand on the side of his head for a little bit like he’s got a migraine or something and suddenly thinks he knows how to read minds or some shit.

He’s all like “Aurek Damien is super loyal to his family, but sometimes he’s worried that the fucked up shit they do is affecting his street cred.” Also he’s pretty sure Aurek set up a trap on the bridge, because duh, the evil bad guy is always one step ahead of the heroes and has some sort backup plan.

And then he’s like "Herin is a preppy daddy’s boy that inherited a fortune and somehow ended up being elected president of their crumbling house of cards. Plus he’s got a secret plan to destroy ISIS… I mean, the Damiens. Of course, he wasn’t really counting on there being reinforcements, which there were. What’d I tell you?? They’re always one step ahead.

Anyway, I haven’t even told you the most fuck up part about this shit. See, Jonah, it turns out, is just her stripper name or something. This bitch been giving out her stage name this whole time and Bradrus was totally falling in love with her, but she’s really just in this for the money. Straight gold digger, god damn.

So anyway, Aurek goes all evil mastermind on ’em and starts talking some smack, giving the heroes time to escape or whatever. Herin ruins the whole thing though because he has secret daddy issues and punches Aurek in the FACE! OH SNAP! Aurek, though, is straight up street rat and hides a shiv up his sleeve. Shank-shank! Herin drops. Ice cold.

Bradrus swoops in like the school principal and is all like, “Cooo-oooool out!” and calls Aurek out on the bouncers he has hiding in plain sight. The bodyguards leave, but Aurek is out for blood. He’s all “Y’all know y’all fucked up. Someone’s gotta pay for this.” and pulls out a gun. Brad talks him down, but it don’t matter. Aurek knows his reinforcements are here now.

Bradrus and Rackus look on as Aurek locks up their boy, Herin, and they can hear the bass booming from his reinforcements lining up for a drive-by on the Burning Star. Anyway, get this… Aurek’s reinforcements? Y-wings. Yeah, I know, right! Shit just got real.

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